Was Scott Joplin Funny?

He's kind-of-almost-sort-of smiling.

In my opinion, Scott Joplin's most underrated work is The Great Crush Collision March (1896). It is exciting, it is joyous, and it is funny. Scott Joplin is said to have been a serious man who seldom laughed. His magnum opus, Treemonisha, is drama, not comedy.  But I believe that Joplin had a funny side. The turn-of-the century Maple Leaf Club circulated a business card that listed several members of the club, and Joplin is described as the entertainer. The entertainer! As in his composition, The Entertainer. Was Joplin the entertainer of The Entertainer? I think he was. Joplin’s presence at the piano made people smile. Joplin could even make people laugh. I believe this because I’ve played The Great Crush Collision March.

The Great Crush Collision March​ was inspired by a wild publicity stunt in which the MK&T railroad company crashed two trains together at full speed in an open field in Texas. It would be named the "Crush Collision” in honor of William Crush, the MK&T employee who cooked up this whole cockamamie scheme. The collision was open to the general public and 40,000 people showed up (that’s enough people to fill up Wrigley Field). There was food, music, and festivities. This was basically the ragtime equivalent of Woodstock or Burning Man. But when the trains finally crashed, the boilers exploded and shrapnel flew into the crowd, killing two. The MK&T's public relations team sprung into action and somehow, despite the wrongful deaths - the event was remembered fondly. The charm of trains colliding on purpose just won everybody over.

Scott Joplin was living in Texas at the time of the Crush Collision. He was either at the event, or more likely, he just heard about it. Maybe he was truly inspired by trains colliding. Or maybe he wasn't, and someone else (the publisher perhaps) commissioned him to write a march related to the event. Or maybe Joplin's main motivation was simply to cash in on Crush Collision-mania. Whatever the reason, Joplin published The Great Crush Collision March in 1896, in Temple, Texas.

The march starts off sounding ominous. It's in a minor key, and the bass slowly rises, crescendoing like a train slowly gaining momentum. It's the musical equivalent of "Start your engines!” I can picture 40,000 titillated Texans holding on to all 10 gallons of their hats.

The next three strains of the march are pure happiness and joy. There is a delightful call and answer between the right and left hands. This music would be well served by a high-stepping marching band. I can picture the drum major with his staff and feathery helmet. To me, Joplin is saying “Two trains are going to crash! Let us join together and party like it’s 1899!”

When we get to the final section, it starts sounding ominous again. We hear train #1 rumble down the track. We hear its whistle. Then we hear train #2. Then its whistle. Then CRASH!!! Then silence. The smoke clears and the whole train crash section repeats! Let us bask in the triumph of the Crush Collision, not once, but TWICE! When the piece finally ends, its tempting to take the repeat once more and crash those trains a third time.

If you do not laugh or smile at Joplin's train crash, then you are a dull individual and are no fun at parties. Joplin, on the other hand, was probably the life of the party. He was literally the entertainer! He went on to more serious pursuits in life, like opera, and maybe he became crankier as he got older and sicker (who doesn’t?). But in 1896, he had a sense of humor and I bet he was fun to hang out with. ​

Below is my rendition of The Great Crush Collision March. When the trains crash the first time, I stick to the score. For the second crash, I try to make the crash even crashier. 

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